ASD it is. It's official.
Today is D-Day... Diagnosis Day. Funny how those Facebook memories always remind you of things.
I must share that post every year... LOL it has 4 shares, soon to be 5. It also has lots of comments from friends and family... Mostly hugs and hearts... reminders he is the same little boy he was yesterday and the label doesn't change who he is. I know all of that. And I get it. It's still hard and it doesn't make it easier or make it go away.
Some of the best comments come from my (then) new autism and special needs family. No they are not blood related. There is something about an autism diagnosis that completely changes your connection to people. Some people drop off and disappear. No words, no explanations. You just don't fit into each others lives anymore. Others, you suddenly become best friends. You start reaching out to people who "get it". I guess that is just how things go.
I know I knew this diagnosis was coming. The more I researched it and went through the process, which began in July 2012; I still remember demanding my family doctor for a referral to a paediatrician because I was convinced he had ADHD. We got that diagnosis a few months later, in December 2012... weird. So today, back in 2013, was just a formality, really. I guess part of me held onto a sliver of hope it was something else. Not even sure what....
So, 5 years ago our lives changed. We gained knowledge. We gained insight. We began the journey that will take our entire lives to figure out. The growth, improvements and accomplishments achieved in these past 5 years still amazes me... and at the same time, I often feel overwhelmed with sadness when I think about it.
It comes in waves and it takes me to places I never expected to go. It is a normal and natural process, which comes and goes. I know this. There are feelings of fear, guilt, anger, and depression; what they really are, are actually the symptoms of a broken heart. So, I take today, to have them, to accept them, to be kind to myself. I take today to grieve, to mourn, maybe even complain a little LOL, and to accept. Accept that my child is autistic, and he amazing, and kind, and funny, and smart.
And I LOVE him exactly the way he is. He brings me joy. Our lives may not be easy, and his journey will be difficult.
And, our lives WILL be happy!